Motherwise Cracks

My dad has been taking care of my mom for quite some time now – she’s not been well. In his time spent at home with her, tending to just about all of her needs, he decided to write his memoirs. Over the holidays, he gave each one of us a copy to read. It included his whole life story up until now and it was about 700 pages and only a few were photos.

I read it all last night. It had some things I was aware of, but of course I learned a lot that I did not know. How interesting to not know all about one’s own parent – details of their childhood that they might have told you bits and pieces of but not in great detail at any one time – unless you asked. As kids, I don’t remember really doing a lot of that. I couldn’t help but think that my children could read this and learn about it too, and that his story would not be lost because he took the time to save it.

It put me into a strange mood today, almost like I am living in between the time periods that he grew up in and in the time periods that I was alive and our family became his life. It brought me back to the places that I grew up as he recollected those times and I think I am still processing it.

Hmm. Then I realized that this blog, which I have been keeping since 2009 or something crazy like that, is like that too. Only my kids can’t stand reading about their antics and my interpretations of them. It’s probably too much information but with my memory (or lack of it) it helps me remember what was going on at those times.

And I bet Dad is waiting for some feedback from us kids. He spent a lot of time on his memoirs and that was really important to him to be able to pass that on. My feedback is on my “to do” list.

Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.  ~ Bob Dylan 

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Yes, my husband and I have turned a lot of stomachs this past couple of days. With just simple things, like asking for him to scratch my back or suggesting we go out for a nice romantic dinner. Apparently this is way too sexual for the kids to handle and they can only cry out with disgust to such benign interchanges between a couple married for 29 years, who don’t exactly exude hotness from every pore. It’s not like I suggested we have sex on the table or anything. Geez. I have addressed this in my First Times Greeting Card available for a laugh here. Enjoy.

So then we get this issue of Cosmo in the mail addressed to my daughter and what the heck, the thing is full of tacky sex talk and kiddish (and I mean fourth grade) discussion of a female person’s body parts. Come on – we can’t say vagina on the cover but we can say hoo ha? Give me a break. Cosmo magazine used to be a tad more sophisticated. I think that it is now downright stupid. My guess is that they need readership (badly) to be able to sell ads to their clients because for $5 a year, my daughter got this stupid one year subscription, which they then sent to two addresses. What joy for me to read about getting a healthy and happy hoo ha at this late stage in my life. And I read the article. I learned nothing really, as it was just a bunch of hoopla about a hoo ha. Another guess? Putting hoo ha on a cover sells more magazines.

And I think Amanda Bynes, featured on the cover, got a lip plumping job. And by lips, I mean the ones on her face. (See diagram in the article on hoo ha.)

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“Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.”  ~ Dave Barry

What I want for Christmas is to be on an episode of Rockford files. And if you think that is impossible, let me remind you that through the magic of technology Natalie sang with her father Nat King Cole when he was already dead. James Garner isn’t even dead yet, so we still have some opportunities to be even more creative.

I have always loved that show and still watch the episodes on Netflix. I have probably seen each one ten or more times. Still love it and think that Jimbo and I would make a great tag team.

If my family can’t arrange this for me, at least they could buy me a season or two for Christmas. And not the first season with the original Rocky. He was a tad creepy. I want the real Rocky, the lovable one who was in the rest of the shows to the end. And a bitter end it was for me when the last episode aired.

This desire to be on Rockford Files is my own personal Santa Claus moment – totally unbelievable but something I choose to do anyway. Perhaps this audio editing software that I have noted for my family could be used to dub in my voice – I would even be happy with just a vocal part. I could just be a voice on the phone like when the show opens and Jim is getting a voice message. They could cut in me on an old phone in a conversation. Just saying…

And if the fam really cares about me, they will humor me. After all this time, they should be pretty good at it.

Hi Jimbo. Dennis. Really appreciate the help on the income tax. You wanna help on the audit now? ~”The Rockford Files

To this day, even though my kids are older, I don’t understand why people spend so much on their children for Christmas gifts. And all this talk of how times are tight and yet, we are off and running at 4 PM on Thanksgiving day to go break the bank. No, I don’t get that. And if you are talking about expensive gifts, neither do my kids. Still.

So when I hear parents start to complain about the bills, I have no sympathy. Why would you spend what you can’t afford? Seems like simple math to me. Why would you want to teach your kids that it is okay to live beyond your budget? When did the word “budget” become a dirty word? Seems like some people assume that all people are born to be rolling in the dough and living the life of excess. I live on a budget. I feel no shame for it.

So am I “mean” for limiting my spending to about $75 per child. If I am, like I was just told I was, so what? Things like Wiis, iPads and Smart Phones are not little things and one should feel some pain when they get one or one will never learn to value a dollar. If they need those things (which they don’t, they want them) they can get a job. That is how you learn the value of a dollar – when you have to work for it. It doesn’t happen when it’s given away at no cost.

Mrs. Scrooge?

I prefer Mrs. Balanced Bank Account.

When the kids were younger, I limited their TV viewing time because I was very mean and wanted them to grow up with at least half a brain. When I did let them watch TV, it wasn’t just anything on the tube, the shows had to be suitable – to me, of course.

One of their favorites were the KidSongs videos and songs and we played the videos over and over until you could probably see through the tape. They often will reminisce about some of the songs so when I happened to stumble upon the KidSongs site with downloadable songs to record to a CD or an iPod, I couldn’t resist.

Thirteen songs and $13 later, I had some of their favs downloaded and burned to a CD that I decorated with photos. This get me exactly 13 seconds of appreciation – they did love it but the jury is still out whether it was worth it. Once again, I feel victim to my fond memories of my child-rearing past. Now I will probably get spammed with announcements about new releases. Too bad there are no songs with accompanying videos about kids fighting, screaming and tantrums. It would provide some balance, that’s all I am saying.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. ~ Albert Eienstein

I just read a columnists take on rudeness. She thinks it’s because we have lost empathy for each other, and she wrote a very nice piece about it. She goes on to explain that she thinks we don’t understand or care how it makes the other person feel when we are rude. But I think it goes even deeper, more basic, which makes it even sadder.

People have lost the basic respect for each other that God gives us all, no matter what we think, look like, how famous we are or where we are from. Being self-centered is the new god. That is why I hate reality shows, they showcase for the worst of human behavior. Somehow it’s funny, entertaining, riveting to see people plan how to bring someone else down. When did backstabbing become an art form?  Yes, it’s all about the big ME, not loss of empathy.

My guess is that some kind of experts are out there right now trying figure out why rudeness is on the upswing and somewhere committees are being formed to address the issue.

For God’s sake. Turn off the TV shows where people are catty and mean, don’t let music play in your house with lyrics chocked full of  hos and bitches, don’t let your kids get away with nastiness, and show them how to right a wrong without resorting to cursing,  insults and a flip of a finger.

(Who needs reality shows when you can go Christmas shopping? That’s enough bad behavior for me for one day – week – season.)

Let’s get back to being considerate and kind because it’s the right thing to do before our kids won’t recognize  Ho-ho-ho as Santa’s line versus three sluts in a row.

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“There is no art in turning a goddess into a witch, a virgin into a whore, but the opposite operation, to give dignity to what has been scorned, to make the degraded disireable, that calls for art or for character.”  ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

People from Buffalo are the best sports in the world.

You have heard that practice makes perfect? Yes, have had the most practice (at losing).

It doesn’t seem to matter, because we still love our sports. And we are good sports, too.

I sometime wonder that if we began to win, would we know what to do? It would be so confusing, especially since our outlook on life is from the “wide right” and our range of emotions experienced during sporting events stays pretty close to the “no goal” crease. What would it BE like to root for a winning team?

• How would we keep our wits and tongues sharp if we didn’t need to come up with snappy responses when people call us losers?
• Would we still have the same quality of delicious tailgate fare if we didn’t need that comfort food to get us through the game?
• Would we enjoy our $6 beer in the stands as much if it weren’t drowning our sorrows?
• Would we find another use for our middle fingers exiting the parking lot of ” The Ralph” when that carload of Patriots’ fans is looking so smug?
• Would it get boring to not ride on that roller coaster of wild dreams and unrealistic expectations each week?
• Would I be able to get/afford game tickets if we started to win?

I say that there is something to be said for a comfort zone. And it won’t be what I am saying in the stands when the snow starts flying and the wind starts whipping.

For the Erie is a-risin’ / An’ the whiskey’s getting’ low. / I hardly think we’ll get a drink / Till we get to Buffalo.
– Lyrics to “Ballad of the Canal”