Motherwise Cracks

Now and again, and again, a verbal barb or jab from your child will hit below the belt. These blows are so punishing that even they recognize the need to follow up with a sincere apology.

These signs of personal growth in the form of “I’m Sorry” notes, either hand delivered or silently left behind to be read without fanfare, should be treasured. Reading and rereading them between rounds serves as a pick-me-up for parents. As apology notes may be few and far between, these easy steps insure their proper care and preservation.

Don’t monkey around with organization. A simple binder with three sections will cover the gambit of typical I‘m sorry notes. Apologies related to slamming and/or thrown items will go into the section labeled “Seeing Evil.” Apologies associated with drowning you out with loud music, humming or covering their ears are filed in the “Hearing Evil” section. Notes addressing swearing, cursing and hate speech are filed in the “Speaking Evil” section.

Protect with plastic. Optimum tear stain resistance is best achieved through lamination. Salty tears, whether shed at the first reading or during fits of laughter in years to come, cause words to run and become illegible.

Lamination also guards against any later temptation to rip the apology up into shreds. You can purchase plastic sleeve covers conveniently fitted with holes for a three-ring binder as an inexpensive alternative.

If you have them, don’t flaunt them. During the formative years, these notes are sensitive material and should be shared with discretion. After a decade or so, they become dated and irrelevant, or the cause for complete amnesia. With amnesia, all memory of the incident – the case for the original hysteria – doesn’t ring a bell, and doubts about authenticity and/or accusations of forgery will be cast on the holder of the apology document. (A signatory line can serve as evidence so preach proper form when teaching young children how to write letters.)

Every apology stands alone. You endanger the species with careless reminders of, or comparisons to, past mea culpas. The idea that an integral part of an apology means changing behavior hasn’t fully formed yet. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your repeat offender will take it like a champ when their next punishment for round two of the same transgression has gotten more intense due to this little detail.

Eventually your collection will start to taper off, and you can think about long-term storage in airtight plastic containers. Another option is to perform a final reading followed by permanent disposal. I recommend a combination of both approaches.

Save a few of your most touching reads and discard the rest. These carefully preserved sentiments will be ready for the very children who wrote them. They will thank you for saving these inspirations to persevere when their own children become teens and they‘re down for the count themselves.

What goes around, comes around.

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“A stiff apology is a second insult…. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.”   ~ G.K. Chesterton