Expectant parents are so cute. They honestly think that their lives won’t change when the new baby comes along. This past weekend I had an entertaining conversation with a daddy-to-be. He went on and on about how he and his wife are still going to do EVERYTHING they did before baby, with the new baby. (Yeah, talk to me in about 6 months.)
My mind raced to their summers spent sailing and I tried to picture the safest way to keep their new little baby safely on deck – Duct taping the infant seat to the mast? But if they capsized…no. Maybe keeping the infant in a snuggly front carrier the whole time, but no, it’s hot in the summer, you need your balance in a boat and that could get scary too. Perhaps just a life jacket on a rope would work? They also ski but I didn’t have the time to climb that mountain in the middle of our conversation as I had barely come to a satisfactory solution to the sailing scenario when the conversation changed to the care and feeding of their child.
I simply asked if he’d be helping with diaper changes. A pretty typical question. He said, “I don’t know.”
God help me, but I couldn’t help exploding with a great big “HA!” as if he had delivered a punchline on a sitcom. I really thought he was kidding.
Before we conceived, I made my husband sign a Pre-natal Agreement (similar to a Pre-Nuptial but you don’t need to have a fortune to protect) swearing that he’d change as many diapers as I did each and every day or there would be no more doing what you do to have a baby. When most men were helping their wives with Lamaze breathing techniques, I was helping him practice breathing without using your nose for extended periods of time. I also lucked out as he grew up on a farm so a little poop didn’t faze him. (Actually, a lot of poop didn’t faze him.)
Motivated by maternal thoughts for his wife, I e-mailed this dad-to-be a special greeting card in hopes that he starts to think a bit more practically as his life is about to change. Like David Bowie said, he’s “just gonna have to be a different man.”
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“Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes…” ~ David Bowie
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12 responses so far ↓
1 Kellie // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:57 am
That is hilarious! Yet, so true! With my first, I expected everything to change. With the second, I figured that it would be a piece of cake like the first with little to nothing changing. Boy did I ever receive a huge wake up call!
Now, i’m onto my third. Yeah. I know i’m in for quite a ride! LOL
Great blog! I found you through entrecard. Well, that and you are on my widget today!
)
2 suburbancorrespondent // Mar 4, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Like watching a train wreck about to happen, and that poor fool is standing right on the tracks….
3 jill // Mar 4, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I love to hear expectant moms talk about their future plans with their baby.
I think my favorite line was;
“I’m not going to rock this baby to sleep, I’m just going to put her in her crib each night, and she will fall asleep on her own.”
Laughed out loud, I did.
4 The Mom Bomb // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I was like the in-denial Dad. I thought I would paint, garden and write an entire novel — all while the babies slept. And I knew I was having twins. I think I lack the common sense gene.
5 paula // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Thanks for the post! I too was a very innocent (naive) and childfree 20 something when I spouted how children ARE portable! hehe. yes they are but man how they make you scramble.
and how dare a man say I DONT KNOW???? HELLO dear…shit happens…and you are going to be on the front lines.
6 Maternal Mirth // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Pre-natal contract … damn! Where we you with that uber-fabulous idea 1 year and 9 months ago???? Could have saved ol’M&M a lot of poop-stained misery …
7 Beth_C // Mar 4, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Ha is right! Please do get back to us 6 months after the birth of this baby and let us know how they are doing. Ha!
8 Michael // Mar 4, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Hey
I can remember the first few days as a dad looking after my twin girls. It was like a slap in the face but with crying. I knew things would change but I had no idea how much.
9 angelawd // Mar 5, 2008 at 6:47 pm
“no more doing what you do to have a baby” – I’m laughing so hard!
Yeah, there are definitely a few changes ahead for that family.
10 Whitney // Mar 6, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Very funny! I was like that when i was an expectant parent…when the baby came i had such a hard time adjusting, nothing can prepare you. However, I had some annoying people telling me how awful parenting was, how we would never go see another movie again (not true). Parenting is great, and we still go see movies and go skiing and all that…its just a little harder to do it, and we rely on good babysitters!
11 Keli // Mar 6, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I remember only too well my own naiveté when it came to our first. Hubby and I booked our annual 2 week vacation just as we did every year for just after junior was born. We’d just leave him with Grandma, we thought. And I told my job I’d only need a 3 week leave. Well, we’re still waiting on that trip, and I’ve been on maternity leave for almost 20 years now.
12 Gale // Mar 9, 2008 at 2:59 am
Until I was 10 we lived on a boat (not figuratively…literally. It was a 50 foot navy launch with 2 “bedrooms,” one of which you had to walk through to get to the bathroom, the other of which was exactly the size of the bed, with a couple shelves at the end). Though my parents did rent an apartment when I was a baby (wise, they were) I didn’t learn to swim well til I was 7 and almost drowned a few times.
I was under no delusions of going back to life as normal after our baby. I knew my world was about to change.