I never was good at reading all the directions.

Luckily for me, my kids are smarter than I was and bought the little thing to let it ferment without exploding, and they rack off the wine a few times before bottling it. And by “they” I mean me and them. I helped my daughter with it this weekend and lost two bottles of wine because one batch was too low in the bottle (called a carboy), so we needed to put some wine in. There went a nice bottle of Chardonnay and a Traminette of mine. What’s a mother for?

It reminded me of a book I bought both of my daughters called “A Book of Directions”  by Kate McNair when they were teenagers. It makes me very melancholy to read any part of it now – one of their copies is still up in their bedroom. I don’t think it’s in print now, but it is a funny and touching collection of stories written in or about 1970 from the perspective of various teenage girls as they encounter some typical teen life experiences. It’s mildly humorous too, as the author has a nice light touch, and it lets your kids know that what they are feeling as teenagers is normal – they are not alone. There are some things that are pretty universal.

No, there was no wine making but the book ends with a story where a daughter is asking her mom why she didn’t tell her exactly how to do something and watched her daughter make some mistakes. The mom answers with, “We all have to find our own way. It isn’t done with maps or a book of directions. We find our way, finally, with our heart.”

I just kept thinking how glad I am that the girls found their own way with wine making and that they followed someone’s directions. Otherwise, I would be cleaning up a 25 gallons of sticky half-fermented grape juices that would have blown all over the place.

On the positive side, I would have had the Chardonnay and Traminette to console myself.

I made this sign to help the delivery guys out. I wanted to be very clear as to where to leave packages. That way, my $75 canvas photo delivered in a cardboard box wouldn’t get ruined, which would mean I would call the delivery service and make them pay for it. But in the spirit of Christmas joy and understanding, I decided to just make it clear with this bright sign designed with red and white holiday colors, exactly where deliveries should be made.

The kids said it was “bitchy” but I don’t see it. Once again, in the spirit of Christmas joy and understanding I decided to clarify my feelings on the subjet to the words of John Lennon’s Happy Christmas Song.

So this is bitchy
And what have you done
Another package delivered
And it’s another wet one
And so this is bitchy
I hope you can read
The near and wet porch
Isn’t the one.

A very covered and dry porch
And the preferred spot
Is ten steps to the right
Without much extra effort
And so this is bitchy
For all delivery services to see
For I like my packages
As dry as can be
And so put my packages
For a better customer-client relationship
On the covered porch
And let’s stop all the wet packages
So we can have a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope you get the message
Without just a tinge of healthy fear
And so this is bitchy
And what have I done
Another door to the right, dear
And you’ll make me feel fun
And so this is bitchy
But what can I do
The near and the wet one
Will let my items get ruined
Giving me a grumpy Christmas
And a snappy New Year
Let’s hope you get the message
With a tinge of healthy fear
War is over, with careful deliveries
If you want it
War is over, I might even take this sign down…
Now…

They aren’t very romantic but the 31st anniversary isn’t too special sounding either. They are now on either side of our front entrance. I like them even though they are super cheesy. They go from blue to red to green and are solar powered so I don’t have to feel guilty about wasting energy.

We did get a new canister for our anniversary from the kids set that forced me to clean the counter and put away the aging Tupperware set I have had for twenty-five years. Then I realized that I had graduated from plastic to something breakable. It’s a sure sign that you have matured. I bet the sippy cups are next.

Since I have a thing for cheesy and a house full of plastic kid-proof items and no kids to break them anymore, I am sure the kids will always have something to replace. As long as it’s not me, I am okay with that. I figure about the time everything has been changed out to be breakable, the first grandchild ought to arrive.

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on. ” ~  Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

That’s because I got some feathers put into my hair. I kind of liked them and thought, “Why not?” I always liked to be different, and since I live in a very rural small town, no one would think of putting rooster feathers in their hair, especially when they might have had to butcher and clean a few of them from time to time.

And one of my kids appreciates that I like to be a bit different. The other two are not so supportive. One thinks that I am not very professional with a feather in my hair, and the other says I am being a poser – pretending to be all trendy when I am a mother and therefore, very stodgy. And straight. And boring. But not chicken.

The very same day I decided to do this, we also took down the archaic television antenna that we had on the roof before we got cable (and by cable I mean the broadcast tier which is only $9.99 a month and delivers the on air channels, NatGeo and a golf channel).

Rather than rip out the base that went into the roof, we left it there and ordered a weathervane to fit right inside the base. I opted for the classic rooster as I had enough of being wild for the weekend with the feathers in my hair. No unicorns or whales for my roof.

I can’t wait to see how the kids balk (bawk?) about my blue rooster on the roof.

My guess is that within a month or so, both of the girls will get feathers in their hair. Yeah, it’s pretty likely.

—–

“If you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as will hit them hard. “

However, there are some of us die hards still in it. Honestly, I get some satisfaction out of documenting my experiences and I hope to be able to read them in the home someday. They will help me remember the events that were my life and how I felt about them. Considering I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night unless I write it down, I am glad that I have continued to blog.

When I started, my kids were in school – now, only one is still there. When I started, the blogs on my blogroll were all booming and full of creative ideas. So much so, that I was in awe. But they all went away!

I was going to update my blogroll and remove the defunct blogs but I have now decided to leave them there as a kind of memorial. Long live the outdated!

Being outdated is kind of my personal theme, in case you haven’t noticed.

I admit that having a blog now is about as useful as a belly ring on a sagging middle-aging belly. You just don’t show anyone you still have one. Now that blogs are less popular, it’s just falling into place.

—-

“I don’t want to pierce anything. I think it’s outdated. Belly rings and all are, like, old.”
~ Britney Spears

While I have never posted my kids photos online because there are too many nuts out there, I am going to break my rule with this post. I think it’s pretty safe.

You won’t have a clue which person she is because I could hardly find her, but it was a thrill to think she was going to be on the show.

Yes, we all revert to being excited for our few minutes of fame, or near-miss fame. I know they pick really loud people who make for a good show for The Price is Right, so in retrospect its a good thing my child didn’t get called to come on down.

Still it would have been nice to have had her win something great. But I guess I am more than happy with her not being obnoxious. That’s too high a price to pay.

Lately, I have been with some folks who are very anti-kids. How stupid is it to say how much you don’t like or want kids in front of someone with a family? Let’s make a deal – I won’t share my thoughts about your life choices if you don’t share yours with me.

But if you had to ask me, I paid the right price for my family.

—-

“The actual retail price is…” ~ Bob Barker