At the time, I was embarrassed of the way I looked in it because I was heavier than usual due to being seven months pregnant. Through the years, it magically made me look thinner and thinner to where I actually preferred it to the real thing. It was only the 90s permed hair that made me decide to go for the re-take. Ugh. It left me wishing for the ability to Photoshop my official NYS photo like I do for family portraits. At least I have good hair now.

My guess is that though the next set of years, I will gradually go though the same process and this photo will actually surpass my “good looks” (relatively speaking) and I will grow to prefer it.

But for now, my consolation is in getting mistaken for a friend of my daughters’ and not their mother. Still happens and while it should give me joy that this could possibly happen, the part I REALLY love is how much they hate it when it happens.

There is a trick involved in getting mistaken in this way. It involves alcohol consumption and dim lighting.

The kids have no space to make this wine, this time even a greater amount than before, and once again the parents will become foster vintners. My first thought was that I’d rather have grandchildren but then the wine turned out pretty good this last time, there were no diapers involved or screaming so I am okay with it.

My girlfriend’s daughter did my hair and it is so wonderfully colored that it really deserves to be seen by someone important, but since that is not very likely, I will settle for turning heads at Aldees and at the mailbox at the end of my driveway. This is as much exposure I can muster in a rural area where the largest village nearby has a population of 1800.

The other development is my recent acquisition of kettle bells. They were on sale at Aldees for $24.99. I have been swinging them around, which is kind of fun. Since they really make me sweat, I am not sure how long I will actually use them. Perhaps the latest health insurance survey I had to take that let me know my BMI is too high might motivate me. Maybe.

This cat hates me but it’s nothing personal – she hates everyone. And just when I thought my refereeing days were over, doesn’t this cat decide to feud with my cat. This is all taking place throught a window as my cat is an outside cat and this one is an indoor cat. The big difference between fighting cats and fighting kids is that the cats actually listen to me when I yell at them to stop. And they can’t give you the finger behind your back.

And this cat hisses at me no end. It matters not that I am the one who feeds her. I am still undecided as to whether or not I will clean the litter box before my daughter gets back. The thought of it makes me second guess the frequency of her suggested feeding schedule. She is pretty scrawny already so I had better not make any adjustments.

My window is splattered with cat spittle on both sides but I won’t bother not clean it until this brat of a cat is back at her home after the kids trip. Either then or next spring. Or if I am having company over with fairly good eyesight. One good thing about your friends getting older is their failing eyesight. This gives me solace after my time in front of the 8x makeup mirror each day too.

Not exactly an account like those from the more famous cat women like Ertha Kitt or Julie Newmar, eh? Well, at least I don’t have to fight with men in tights carrying shark spray in their utility belts. And those cat women got to wear masks to cover up any new wrinkles or other imperfections. I am pretty daring but I don’t think I can pull that one off.

“Time to accessorize.” ~ Catwoman

I made this sign to help the delivery guys out. I wanted to be very clear as to where to leave packages. That way, my $75 canvas photo delivered in a cardboard box wouldn’t get ruined, which would mean I would call the delivery service and make them pay for it. But in the spirit of Christmas joy and understanding, I decided to just make it clear with this bright sign designed with red and white holiday colors, exactly where deliveries should be made.

The kids said it was “bitchy” but I don’t see it. Once again, in the spirit of Christmas joy and understanding I decided to clarify my feelings on the subjet to the words of John Lennon’s Happy Christmas Song.

So this is bitchy
And what have you done
Another package delivered
And it’s another wet one
And so this is bitchy
I hope you can read
The near and wet porch
Isn’t the one.

A very covered and dry porch
And the preferred spot
Is ten steps to the right
Without much extra effort
And so this is bitchy
For all delivery services to see
For I like my packages
As dry as can be
And so put my packages
For a better customer-client relationship
On the covered porch
And let’s stop all the wet packages
So we can have a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope you get the message
Without just a tinge of healthy fear
And so this is bitchy
And what have I done
Another door to the right, dear
And you’ll make me feel fun
And so this is bitchy
But what can I do
The near and the wet one
Will let my items get ruined
Giving me a grumpy Christmas
And a snappy New Year
Let’s hope you get the message
With a tinge of healthy fear
War is over, with careful deliveries
If you want it
War is over, I might even take this sign down…
Now…

When the kids were younger, I limited their TV viewing time because I was very mean and wanted them to grow up with at least half a brain. When I did let them watch TV, it wasn’t just anything on the tube, the shows had to be suitable – to me, of course.

One of their favorites were the KidSongs videos and songs and we played the videos over and over until you could probably see through the tape. They often will reminisce about some of the songs so when I happened to stumble upon the KidSongs site with downloadable songs to record to a CD or an iPod, I couldn’t resist.

Thirteen songs and $13 later, I had some of their favs downloaded and burned to a CD that I decorated with photos. This get me exactly 13 seconds of appreciation – they did love it but the jury is still out whether it was worth it. Once again, I feel victim to my fond memories of my child-rearing past. Now I will probably get spammed with announcements about new releases. Too bad there are no songs with accompanying videos about kids fighting, screaming and tantrums. It would provide some balance, that’s all I am saying.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. ~ Albert Eienstein

Thanks to the wonder of the Internet, I have completed all my Christmas shopping. The only thing yet to do is make the sign for the door on the side porch where the UPS guy keeps leaving my gift items in the rain and wet to direct him to the large, covered wrap-around porch that is ten steps further but will keep my gift items dry. I am working on a graphic for that now. Perhaps just a big “DUH” would do the trick. It’s so hard to be nice when people are so lazy and stupid silly.

One of the items that the lazy little UPS guy left in the puddle collecting by the side porch door where it’s wet, was the amazing 10×14 Easy Canvas Print that I had made of the family when we were “dunh” dropping off my son for his first year at college.

It is a family favorite as we all look good in it and it is before I began sobbing hysterically so my eye makeup is still intact. You won’t be able to tell because I don’t post photos of my family online where you can actually make out anything for privacy reasons, but I just had to show it off in some form because it is awesome. I was a little afraid that putting our favorite photo on canvas might ruin the detail, but it didn’t. It looks great. I liked it so much, I friended them on Facebook too – just in a jolly holiday mood, I guess!

The next task to complete for the holidays is baking cookies. I wonder if the wonder of the Internet can somehow perform that for me too? I have the best recipe for cookies and the trouble with that is that people request them, and then you are stuck. In retrospect, it may have been smarter to use a dry and bad tasting recipe as this is the 20th year of me having to make cookies for the whole crowd that get eaten before the meal so I get complaints after dinner that I didn’t make enough.

Lucky for me, the girls will do the decorating if I make the dough. I guess hand mixing the cold hard butter into the flour and sugar is good for my biceps. I think that’s how Jillian Michaels gets hers.