Motherwise Cracks

I started out feeling a bit proud of my husband. He actually recognized that is winter coat was getting older and shabby looking, and donated it to a charity shop.

Sidebar – Some of you may not know that some (and I mean most) men aren’t always as perceptive about their clothing. “Some” of them might even have that cavalier “devil may care” attitude about their plaid shorts from 1973 or their hockey jersey from 8th grade that they plan to wear to your high school reunion kickoff picnic.

It’s similar to dressing a child. A wife might contemplate setting her husband’s clothing out for him the evening so as to fend off any bickering about the fact that brown shirts don’t go with black pants or that striped pants and plaid shirts clash in the early morning hours. On the other hand, it makes for a good laugh when your kids get a load of what their wearing and then chastise you for their outfit, like you aren’t providing adequate supervision.

But I digress. The real kicker about his winter coat came a couple of days later when he announced that he was going shopping for a new winter coat for next year – at the second hand store.

I was thinking about jumping in the dumpster and rooting around to retrieve his donation but decided he’ll never get around to buying his own coat anyway.

As I thought more about it, I decided he is a clever man. He just guaranteed himself a new coat that I will be buying. I hate to be outsmarted by a guy who can’t even match colors.

—–

“The finest clothing made is a person’s skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.” ~Mark Twain

I Made pizza from hell for dinner. I had to because we we so short on groceries that it was that or peanut butter sandwiches on rye crackers. It suffered from one or two ingredient substitutions too many. I am the creative type and have a strong stomach.

I found out that if you use a whole glass jar of yeast from 2006 that it will make your emergency cake flour ground flax mix rise. To some extent. Of course the whole family was more regular than usual for the rest of the week thanks to the flax.

I used turkey sausage and had to make a parmesan mozarella cheddar mix as I was low on dairy too. It was a mess of a pie that any true blooded Italian would cry over. Luckily I am Irish so I didn’t waste any Kleenex as I’m am low on those too.

I ate the last of it today and went shopping to celebrate. I needed to get band aids for my son who sliced his finger in a blizzard making ice cream mixer. It slipped. And honest to God, he was making a Butterfinger one with extra finger.

God just may have as warped a sense of humor as I do.

—–
“if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

This post comes with a warning. Usually my posts are all G rated. I am taking a slight departure from my clean and wholesome self, and stepping out to share news about my new book club. I don’t think Oprah will be joining anytime soon, and we definitely cannot hold any meetings at a library.

The Steaming Cups Book Club will have its first meeting in July. If you’d like to read the invite to the inaugural meeting, click this, but I am warning you that this isn’ t “I Love Lucy” material, but it’s not ”Straight Outta Compton” either so don’t be too scared. But it makes me laugh. Pretty hard. Every time I see it.

I can’t wait to review my literary selection, which is a REAL book, by the way.

Go ahead, Google it – Happy Kitty Bunny Pony by Charles S. Anderson and text by Michael J. Nelson.

I hope my friend has a bathroom nearby as I think the ladies may need to use the powder room to “freshen up” after they hear some of the excerpts from this saccharine mouthful of super cute. It’s what I like to call “joyfully sarcastic”. I like that term because the other day, my former boss told me that’s what I am.

If this book club thing takes off, I am thinking of making T shirts with our logo, which will be (as soon as I make it) a bra with steam coming from it. If this club is a big hit, I may have to open chapters in other cities. At 3:55 AM, when you’re up because your son didn’t get home until late and you were worried, anything seems possible, even a book club based on sheer stupidity, birthed from the need to unload truckloads of frustration that comes from dealing with people, lovely as they are on the whole, but who have a tendency to be complainers (spelled with a “b”,  if you get my drift).

I even made a new post category for the Steaming Cups Book Club – now that is how much I can’t wait for our first meeting.  I do realize that I am looking forward to it because of the mandatory two glasses of wine required before the in depth discussion of the meeting’s featured work of literary art.

I hope you, sweet reader, aren’t offended by my Steaming Cups Book Club. And if you are, please refer to the header of the attached invitation.

—–

“Horses were an integral part in the taming of the American west. Whether it was drawing wagons across the Great Plains or helping to transport mail for the pony express – horses did it all. Not that they ever got paid for it. (They made several attempts to unionize, but never got things off the ground. Their lack of opposable thumbs made it difficult to sign the proper forms.) ”  ~ Happy Kitty Bunny Pony, page 84-85

Finding out I’d yeast dated 2006 will make pizza dough rise. It’s all I have at the moment. Dinner may be ammended.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mirror is lamest iPod app EVER.

Finally bought my flowers. Now to plant them. Probably another three weeks.

How sad is it when your goal pants have an elastic waist?  I guess that’s what happens when chocolate is one of your basic food groups.

Five pounds down and another 20 to go before I even feel human again, my next goal pants are tucked in the bottom drawer, their elastic inserts waiting to not be stretched to the ripping point. I have  a series of goal pants for each and every goal I have set that I have accumulated as I gained weight over the past 5 years. I like to plan ahead.

I survived the nieces visit this past weekend, but not the photos of me taken at that time. Rude wake up call sent and received. They were great but I have forgotten how hard it is to get  your beauty sleep with little kids around.

And now vacation is coming and I hate waiting to go swimming until the rest of the family has had enough beer and wine to cover my multitude of sins. And then there’s that pesky keeping their drinks refilled thing that I have to make sure to do so they don’t get a good look  at my condition in a state of sobriety. And they think I am just being a good hostess. (Can’t help think of Twinkees just now.)

And speaking of vacation, I had to buy a new Megastation floating island for the lake, but I went the cheaper route and got a Coleman thing that seats 6 and has 8 cup holders.  I also bought a floating cooler that holds … well, I think you get the picture. It’s all part of the plan.

So is eating four small 400 calorie meals a day. I downloaded this 400 calorie fix app to my iTouch. Pretty cool and if followed, works. Maybe someday my goal pants won’t have an elastic waist.

Not thinking of that just yet. One day at a time.

—-

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~ Robert Brault

Note to Robert – I am looking back NOW and see big things.