According to recent reports from the home front, I am the only mother in my whole state, maybe even the universe, that won’t let her daughter wear pants with a 2-inch zipper.
Gram always told me â€œthe more covered, the more alluringâ€ and I am all about keeping kidsâ€™ bellies and backsides captivating. A boy or girl could get frostbite or something worse and I won’t have it. I had bigger charms on my 1960s charm bracelet than the zippers on some junior-sized pants.
Am I the only one who thinks a zipper serves a purpose? I think that its inventor, Whitcomb Judson, would be very put out to learn that zippers are decorative items now. All that hard work to get it to open and close – for what? Judson called it the â€œclasp locker,â€ and I think he was on the right track, especially with the â€œlockerâ€ part. Itâ€™s bad enough that his invention was ignored at the 1983 Worldâ€™s Fair, but now, a second slap in the face.
Judson originally designed the zipper so that a bodily area could slide in an item of clothing and stay in. He spent his lifeâ€™s work on a closure to prevent exposure.
My deep sense of respect for this great American inventor, and my old-fashioned fashion sense inspire me to make my case for a minimum of a 4 to 6-inch zipper. It would allow for at least some protection from “the elements.” It’s not like I am asking for one a foot-long or anything, just enough to cover the bases.
While I think this is reasonable, according to sources close to me, I stand alone on this issue. All other parents see nothing wrong with low, way low risers, and I am single-handedly ruining my childâ€™s life and reputation. Oh, the guilt I feel will be my undoing. (That would be a stretch.)
The exact location of her navel, and all other navels under my care and supervision, will remain undisclosed. It is a security issue, on many fronts, and some backs.
But I do worry. Will the zipper be someday reduced to only some fancy stitching instead of having any teeth to it? Will the pendulum sway the other way so that once again we cover the back swings of the next set of teens? I am not hanging on the edge of my seat to find out.
As far as the zipperâ€™s function on my childrenâ€™s clothing, I am for full closure.
How do I handle the complaints? They can zip it.