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CONTACT MARY to brighten up your publication with any of these MOTHERWISE CRACKS:
The Care and Preservation of Your Child's Apology Notes Now and again, and again, a verbal barb or jab from your child will hit below the belt. These blows are so punishing that even they recognize the need to follow up with a sincere apology. These signs of personal growth in the form of “I’m Sorry” notes, either hand delivered or silently left behind to be read without fanfare, should be treasured. Reading and rereading them between rounds serves as a pick-me-up for ... Silence is Golden: Big Deals Revealed Parents of young children enjoy being active participants in their lives, relishing the time spent sharing, clarifying life’s mysteries and providing direction. When kids get older, they often stop talking in front of adults. Carefree conversations about daily life are replaced by one-sided questions answered by a straight flush of “I dunnos.” .. Cliché Revival: Diplomatic Teaching Tool Praise be my children! It’s time for a cliché revival. Awaken and hear, O precious ones, the lessons hidden from plain sight because no one pays any mind to these sage sayings anymore. Seek ye the wisdom ripped from the yellowed pages of the good old days in the form of these tried and true clichés!... Dancing About the Birds and the Bees The annuls of parenting history bear witness that children don’t learn f rom being persecuted about homework. Our questioning and threats... Homework Inquisitions The annuls of parenting history bear witness that children don’t learn from being persecuted about homework. Our questioning and threats to complete assignments religiously can be a source of guilt, but it’s time to address this unfair conviction... Be An Easy Rider With A Student Driver Remember when your parents popped a gasket teaching you to drive, white knuckling it from the passenger seat? If you don’t want to go around that track, better gear up for your own child’s driving lessons... A Treaties on the Zipper According to recent reports from the home front, I am the only mother in my whole state, maybe even the universe, that won't let her daughter wear pants with a 2-inch zipper. Gram always told me “the more covered, the more alluring” and I am all about keeping kids’ bellies and backsides captivating... Confessions of a Trophy Wife I call myself as a trophy wife. Top shelf. I’ve worked hard to get to this point in my life. I don’t make excuses: I made choices. Years planning, manicuring, managing and manipulating have earned me the “good life.” We all want success and riches. So few have the tenacity to make it happen like I do... The Truth About Consequences Yogi Berra was right: “You can observe a lot by just watching.” Especially in a waiting room when you have only a little dose of patience left, and you’ve overstayed your visit to “if that were my kid” state of mind by nearly an hour... Commencement: Parent/Child Perigee The day you thought wouldn’t come fast enough is here. That child that brought you up, down, around and over the edge is graduating. Oddly, you’re happiness is eclipsed by... Packing Up Your Troubles Airline flights are often the first leg of your family’s trip down memory lane. It’s important to have what you need to get the best mileage from your vacation and insure a smooth return. The ticket to packing for your trip begins with fun for... Recipe to Avert Mealtime Disaster It’s true that hearing “There is NOTHING to eat around here!” grates parents everywhere. Our daily commitments tempt us to put grocery shopping on the back burner, and we survive on trips to the convenience store for the staples (milk and chocolate). Then it hits... A Parent's Role in Teen Drama Never was there a story of more woe. Until the next bad grade, pimple, flyaway hair, wrong kind of jeans, snotty comment, “dirty" look, or dropped spoon in the cafeteria. These typical examples of teen tragedy, comedies of errors played out... Various Cures for Sticky Fingers There comes a day when a parent discovers an item in their child’s pocket with unexplainable origins. You didn’t buy it. Grandma didn’t give it to them. Where did it come from? Of course the kiddos are too sweet to have lifted it from somewhere... Not On My Watch - Observations on Oversight After more than 40 years of wandering in the vast wasteland, some parents have decided to make the TV set a controlled substance in their homes. I am one of them. But it’s a workout. Pulling the average American child away from just a few of... Far From the Madden Crowd “It’s the age-old struggle - the roar of testosterone on the one side and the voices of the rest of the family on the other." Well, that’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson would have said if he had experienced a Super Bowl at home. (His original quote... A Tale of Two Wardrobes It was the best of the holidays. It was the worst of the holidays. Super parties, super goodies, and now we are all super sized. Reminiscent of the childhood rhyme, “I see London, I see France," our excess holiday poundage can be seen by the... 7 (Unnatural) Wonders of Man Men are amazing, like the majestic Taj Mahal and the thundering Niagara Falls . Family members, who live in close proximity to these wonders, often give witness to their monumental abilities. These awe-inspiring traits been known to bring women... Tell, Don't Ask Policy Most parents don’t have a lot of time to plead, beg, bicker or repeat themselves. That is why I am a proponent of the “Tell, Don’t Ask" policy when dealing with children. I learned the beauty of “Tell, Don’t Ask" from a seasoned teacher... The Household Twilight Zone You’ve heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack? Housekeepers all over the planet encounter similar challenges and are expected to deftly overcome them so that the kids can catch the bus, breadwinners can get to work and the household... Extinction of the Apology I experienced a mix-up recently - one of those things. When I inquired about it, a very nice young man thanked me and told me it would be corrected. But something was missing - the apology. I figure this young man must be either single or... The Advent of Christmas Epiphanies Children aren’t the only ones to experience Christmas joys. Parents too celebrate the season when our children do or say things to show they understand the true spirit of Christmas. These epiphanies may need some prompting, like a greenhouse... Putting the Permanent Press on Laundry Day Contrary to popular teen perception, parents don’t like to rag endlessly. It’s just a necessity due to our knowledge of basic scientific principles like that germs can make you sick, or even worse, smelly. While we are mildly entertained by some... Creating a Survival Vehicle For a lot of us, our vehicle is a home away from home. Why not make this alternate home as comfortable and functional as possible? This can be easily accomplished with the unnatural selection of some items to outfit your vehicle for survival.... The Prepared Parent's Guide to Fast Comebacks Writing and speaking have very different economics. One affords you time, the other cheats you of it. That is the trouble with comebacks. The timing of their delivery is so important. Children approaching or in the midst of their teen... Shocking Columbus Day Discoveries One month ago, Columbus Day 2006 hit Western New York hard with a historic storm, the likes of which hadn’t been seen in 100 years. Trees, still in full leaf, caught the heavy falling snow, and by morning, they were bent, broken and had downed... Growing Self Confidence Through The Cracks Children can be very critical of themselves, but remember that old adage: Children learn what they live? We all make mistakes, but it’s what happens after the “you-know-what" hits the fan that really matters. I have had lots of practice... Teen Clothing Exposed - A Grim Tale Fashion industry moguls, having studied parenting trends, discovered that adults have stopped reading fairy tales to children. Danger looms as these magical weavers take advantage of lessons not learned from this mild, yet fairly effective... I Get By With Some Helpings From My Kids I have never had a problem being first. As a kid, my last name began with "W" so I was almost always at the end of the line. This created an unnatural desire to move up, especially in buffet lines. It is a wonder to me why people are so... Faking Fitness in Family Photos Concerned that you look larger than life in family photos? Shocked by the images you see after a shutterbug hits? Not to worry. Just follow my solution for faking fitness in family photos and you too can look fabulous. Why go through the... Knowing the Ropes Can Be a Lifeline We are always calmed and assured when we find someone who has been through something before us. This includes parenting, which can mean weathering some rough storms. In the beginning, we set out in the calm and placid waters of diaper... For Parents Weary of the Green Throughout the process of teaching our children about personal finance, parents have the opportunity to learn even more about saving money than the children. This can be highlighted very easily by asking yourself if you can account for all the money that was in... ....And Even More Articles Like: Operation Artificial Cleanliness - a humorous look at quickly making your home presentable but not necessarily clean... Store Wars: Revenge in the Bread Aisle - shopping, like war, can be hell, especially when everything that could go wrong, does. And the kids think it's funny... Weight For the Wrong Time - There was a time when "healthy" women were truely celebrated. True to my form, I was not born in that time... A Bread Named Herman - Escapades in the kitchen by a stay-at-home dad get a rise out of mom and the Society for the Propagation of Bread. Pacific Flustrations - Mothers, don't let your babies grow up speaking silly words and flustrating the rest of us with each and every pacific mistake... Yellow Page Yuks - You won't believe what these real businesses decided to call themselves. It's hard to take things seriously when you can't get a handle on just what they were thinking... Reality Bites Diet - It all comes down to hard work and that is really hard to swallow... Faking Fitness in Family Photos - You never looked so good and you probably never will... And that ain't all...... Copyright © 2006-2007 by Mary Fagan. All Rights Reserved. To purchase Motherwise Cracks (I am very reasonable) for your publication email: maryfagan@motherwise.us Copies of, or excerpts from the above columns may not be reproduced without written consent of the author. Unsure of copyright issues? Read this for clarification. |
c.2006-2007 by MP Fagan, LTD
