My Word

Just finished reading “Emptying the Nest” by Brad E. Sachs this weekend. It’s what prompted me to look around at my clutter from the kids over the years. As my nest is just about empty, I realized that while it’s empty of the kids, it’s full of the remnants of their childhood. As I desperately cling to the Care Bear from 2nd grade, I have begun reading more – this was my latest read.

It was interesting to me because I don’t have any trouble emptying my nest and reading it made me think that I did something right. Then I had a glass of wine to celebrate and read more.

My favorite parts of the book are things that I have harped on for some years so it’s nice to see another person harping on them as well. But seriously, parenting and family issues have changed so much and so fast that most folks have a hard time knowing what the “right thing to do” is anymore. This book provides some very practical information and suggestions on helping your young adults grow toward and look forward to the time that they can be successful on their own.

My fav? Being responsible. Boy, that’s huge in my book. I love the list on page 127 that goes through who is responsible for what. And guess what? Parents are NOT responsible for everything.

Watching on the sidelines, I think many parents believe they are. Not so. Kids need to be responsible for things too or they never learn to find solutions, accept problems, and shoulder consequences for their actions. Sometimes it is better to NOT make it all better. I think parent’s now days have a really hard time with that. I would actually got grief from my family members when I let my kids work out some of their own problems, so not only does a parent feel guilt internally, but they might get it externally too.

Another favorite passage that really is the same point as the one I mention above is on page 235 where the author talks about making helpless young adults when we help too much as parents. We need to provide support and encourage, but sometimes doing less is more. (That helped me decide about just swiffering the kitchen floor instead of getting down on my knees and really cleaning it.)

And this book really gives some great pointers about communication and in my view, family life is all about communication. (And to talk you need to take time – that is my feeling.) And as we all know, sometimes you can’t hit young adults or teens head on and there are some nice practical suggestions to start a dialog.

There really is a lot more in “Emptying the Nest” than I have shared here about getting your kids ready and able to be successful in the big wide world but I picked out what jumped out at me. I am giving my copy to the next person who asks me how we ended up with such nice kids – who aren’t home anymore.

You might think I am crazy but I think that there is an opportunity to spend time with your children that a lot of parents simply write off. Yes, you can play games at any age so why not spend some time with them playing video games? At first I thought this would be out of my league and the kids thought I was absolutely crazy, but so what? They do anyway. We first started playing games on my son’s PS3.  Now, if you don’t have one, Buy.com has some pretty sweet deals right now so go over and check it out. Most of the time, Buy.com has the best comparative prices around so you won’t need to look too much further for a great deal. Then take some time to play with your kids. Remember that old addage, “If you can’t beat ‘em,  join ‘em.” This is just my point. Parents don’t like the kids spending too much time with games so why not get involved, spend that time together and then you can decide when enough is enough. With you playing, they might decide they have had enough and go outside for a change. You never know until you try.

My son had fine and gross motor problems and went to an OT for YEARS! I mean up until his Junior year in high school. When you have a child that has trouble writing and can’t keep up with the others with his work, you feel the frustration and bitterness too. When he was little, I made his writing practice materials myself because he needed more time for practice and we did work on it at home.

In schools, 10 minutes a day is tyically spent on handwriting activities. At that time, there really wasn’ t much available for practice but that has changed. The Writing Fundamentals by Mead are a fantastic set of materials that a teacher and/or parent can use with ease and that children will find fun, entertaining and very doable.

Their Writing Fundamentals package features 4 stages of development beginning with fine motor, letter formation, primary writing and writing fluency. Within each stage are multiple workbooks and activities that are bright, visually interesting and will provide lots of practice for your child learning how to use those fine motor skills. I wish I had these tools when my son was younger. Sigh. There are stencil kits, snip and cutting activities, dot-to-dots, shape work, drawing practice and coloring practice sheets just to name a few of the materials in the series.

A couple of the coolest things are the raised paper items. This raised ruling lined paper has raised blue lines that a child can feel to help them stay in the lines when printing. What a great idea! The other thing I liked was the RediSpace notebook paper. This notebook paper has regular blue lines BUT, within each line are marked spaces to print the letters so that kids can practice having uniform spacing. Why didn’t I think of that? 

The series was developed by Toni M. Schulken who is an OT and a mother of five kids herself. She worked on these products to guide parents and teachers on how to best introduce and practice handwriting skills at all of the beginning stages.  As a former teacher myself, I would strongly encourage parents with children that might need more practice with their fine motor skills (handwriting) get these materials and sit down and have some fun practicing with your child.  Thanks, Mead. (But honestly, where were you when I needed you?)

I have a bit of an independent streak in me that makes me shy away from clothing that looks like everyone else’s. This is true even for the clothing that I buy for my children. If you like different things – and I mean different in a very nice way – then check out the children’s clothes at the Polka Dot Patch online store. Talk about unique – they have the trendiest collections and funkiest clothing and gift items for your kids or for gifts. Buying clothes for a baby or child can be fun anyway, but this site makes it even more so. There are vibrant fresh colors and even handmade items for your little ones that will make dressing them a blast. You can order personalized clothing items here too and they also have some very special wall art and children’s accessories. It’s a sure fire way to get compliments at the next baby shower!

Parents sometimes ask me how I taught my kids how to save money and develop a healthy respect for a hard earned dollar. One of the things we did early on was to give them a small allowance for their weekly chores and then…take a bit back. Yes, we did. And we had them open their own personal savings account and deposit this money into it. Our relatives thought we were cruel but looking back, it was a great thing to do.

My parents thought my kids at age 6 were too young to open savings accounts but I disagreed then and still do. It taught my kids how to save for something they really wanted and they enjoyed watching their funds grow. There is no better way to explain what interest is than to see them look over that “free money” that is added onto their balance. Yes, they did complain sometimes, but shoot, I can handle a little kid whine every once in a while. And if you think you have to have a huge balance to open a new account, you’re in for a great surprise. It’s only $1 online to open a new account and $4 in person. The kids can even log on and track their sabings account balance with an online account if you want. There’s no better teacher than experience.

Don’t think it works? My middle child, aged 20, has a bank balance that makes me jealous.

rating: [4.0]

My friend is expecting – well, his wife is expecting again and they need a new baby crib. While they were over for dinner, we sent surfing the net to look for a new one that they could afford – and agree on. (They have been married for about 5 years so they still agree on some things.) We found a cute crib that was called the Emily crib while we were searching. Not only is it a really nice looking crib, but my friends have a daughter named Emily so she thought it was the neatest thing to have a crib with her name. I think she thinks she is going to be sleeping in it, not the new baby. We shall see. The store offers to ship in 2 days and safe and secure shopping with Amazon.com and Emily’s parents seemed to like that part.

[rating: 5.0]

I am stuck on Mabel’s Labels because they stay stuck on just about everything. The kind folks at Mabel’s, who incidentally won the Savymom Mompreneur of the Year Award, sent me some of these labels for my kids about a month ago.

I put them on my son’s athletic bag, shoes, etc., probably the most challenging place to keep them on, as well as on various lunch boxes, school books, backpacks, cups and even an iPod. Keep in mind that I put my lunch boxes in the dishwasher and the stickers were on them. To my happy surprise, they stayed put! These little babies are pretty much wash and wear and can take a licking without unsticking. They are still on everything.

The lables are also pretty cute – the girl’s got pink and purple so even they can differentiate their items from afar (no fighting!). My son’s are blue so he is comfortable with them being placed on his stuff. I don’t know about you, but when certain things are the rage with a whole group of kids, I feel better knowing my kids can ID their own stuff easily. And believe it or not, the labels even withstood my son’s “lack of care” about his things, which means they are thrown anywhere, kicked around, exposed to the elements and shoved in places that when removed, remind me of an Houdini act. I really do like these labels and wish I had them when my kids were even smaller. Their sippy cups and toys would be sporting them.

Mabel’s also makes clothing labels and household labels as well as a line of stationery, which I did not try, but if they are as great as the sticky labels, it’s a good investment.

You can download a catalog for Mabel’s products here and see for yourself how great these labels are.

By Dr. John Chirban [rating:4.5]

Do your kids groan at the mention of sex? When mine were younger, they had stronger stomachs (or didn’t have much of a clue yet) and I could broach the subject without ruining meals, their day, their life or whatever. Despite their gagging, it is something I bring up from time to time because they’re bombarded with sex and sexuality from everywhere else. I just want equal time for my opinion, guidance, information, perspective and yes, my experience.

I learned about sex from what the moms in my whole suburban development called “the book.” This well-used pass-around had photos of chickens, eggs, sperm, a couple of babies, and some brief text about what organs went where in the process – the usual. Moms swore by “the book” and it brought all the girls and boys on Forest Stream Drive from “where do babies come from” to estimating how many times our parents did IT based on the number of brothers and sisters we had. I read “the book” 3 times to make sure I understood IT correctly. I was a slow learner and was, and still am, hampered by a vivid 3-D imagination. I remember my deep gratitude for the selfless sacrifice(s) my parents endured creating me and my siblings.

When a younger kid in the neighborhood began asking questions, we’d tell our parents, bringing on arguments over the proper timing for the delivery of “the book”. (Our English teachers recruited us en mass for the debate team in high school.) The moms would always hold out until the very last minute, causing the older kids to have to take on the parent’s discomfort in dealing with IT. After the offending child finally turned “the book’s” pages, we’d all get together, share our revulsion, make our estimations, identify the grossest page of the book and then go play ball, Barbies or climb trees.

Thankfully, parents now days have a few more resources like “What’s Love Got To Do With IT” by Dr. John Chirban. It’s a new “talking to your kids about sex” book that covers what to expect and what to share at every age level. (Confession – I read it to see if I had done anything that even closely resembled good advice.)

Well, praise the Lord and pass the scrambled eggs: The man advocates using humor, the importance of involvement with your children, stresses RELATIONSHIPS and when talking about IT with kids, he even dares to mention the role of spirituality. Thank you, Dr. Chirban.

What I liked most of all is his belief that parents and children need to be connected, and to do this, parents need to be involved with their kids. To be involved you need to be present. As far as I am concerned, this goes beyond any one topic – it is a universal truth. Dr. Chirban also gives specific things to expect at all the developmental stages and he recommends activities. In addition, there is a list of things not to do (as some of us only had “the book” and can use a bit more direction).

I do have one criticism though. Dr. Chriban gets to the “vast disconnect between sex and love in our culture” toward the end of the book. This is HUGE to me. Well, perhaps it really is an opening to another future book that would go into even more of what parents can do to connect sex and love for our kids when everyone on TV, radio, magazines and in the movies is getting a piece – without much of a love connection.

P.S. And I got some heartening news. On page 161, I see that men find women’s buttocks TONS more erotic than hair, eyes, thighs, hips, and waists. I have that #1 item well covered, so it looks smart not to have wasted money on a Thigh Master and I bet I can shave off some time in the makeup department. Va va voom!

P.S.S. On a more serious note, parents rejoice! According to a study reported in this book, you exert significant influence on your child. We need to be reassured this is true when all we seem to get is a lot of huffing and puffing from them.

(On second thought, as long as the huffing and puffing is at me, I am okay with that.)

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Buy my copy here.

[rating 3.5]

Stories Too Good To Be Forgotten

A collection of 40 quick reads that are funny, embarrassing and/or heartwarming. Enjoy stories written by real-life parents and grandparents about their most prized possessions – children.

Inside, find out how Spiderman saves the day (again), a desperate search for a diaper makes one dad realize his blessings, how a true fairy tale romance got started and what lengths a man can go to, to protect his daughter’s innocence at Christmas time. Great for sharing with a new parent or grandparent – a celebration of family.

To preview Minders’ Keepers click here or to purchase your own click here.

In 10 Easy Lessons [rating: 4.5]

This easy-to-read and set of directions for young people provides clear and simple directions on how to save money, open a bank account, write a check, pay for college, and know the basics about the stock market.

This book was written by a young person, who is now a CPA with one of the nation’s top four accounting firms. She watched as her friends and college mates ran up credit card debt, lost out on loan and grant opportunities to pay for school and didn’t understand what interest on a bank account balance was or how to get some. In fact, one of her friends had $10,000 earned by working summers in his checking account! He had no clue about CDs or even interest on a simple savings account.

This little workbook will explain the basics of personal finance to teens and young adults in simple terms in 10 chapters. At the end of each chapter are Web sites to go for more information and some other books that the author, Theresa Fagan, suggests might offer more detailed information.

This would be a great stocking stuffer item for your teen or twenty-something who could use some financial direction but won’t take it from you. (I know. I have three kids myself!)

Click here to get a sneak preview and/or to order.